“Learning to live is learning to let go”-Sogyal Rinpoche (The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying)

We live in a death denying society.  No one really ‘wants’ to die, and therefore many of us spend much of our lives doing what we can to avoid it.  I mean, why anyone would want to contemplate what death looks like, feels like and ultimately means? 

 I honestly never gave dying too much thought, until I started volunteering for Hospice Toronto.  During my training, I had the amazing opportunity to spend 8 hours a week for months, talking about death.  Listening to the front line workers (Palliative nurses, doctors, personal support workers and families) discussing the different steps one faces during their last months, weeks, days and moments on this earth.  Each phase of dying different then the next but all with the same outcome; all from different perspectives. 

 It certainly gave me much to think about and contemplate.  What would I want my death to look like?  What would I want to say to my family and friends; what would I need them to know before I left?  Would I be afraid?  Would my belief systems be strong enough to see me through the final moments of my last breaths without fear?  All of which are really great questions.  And, if you think about it – so many folks get taken from this earth without the luxury of time and contemplation of these ever so important things.  So, much to the protest of my kids – I wanted to talk about dying more and more.

 The adage of ‘living each day like it’s your last’ has a lot more meaning to me now.  The small shit in life which use to occupy my mind, has no place there any more.  Should you ever need a reminder of how great you have it, do yourself a favour and visit a long term health facility filled with lonely elders with no purpose left to them, other than counting days (and maybe some points on a cribbage board); or go down to the Hospital for Sick Children and wander the halls looking at the faces of parents so distraught and exhausted and the kids so sick and desperate for a day without the reality they face. 

 Truly, the art of dying teaches us the art of living.  And if we were to spend some time in the reality we will all one day leave this planet; either slowly with time to prepare or quickly without that luxury – the truth is we would be much better people.  We would live as we were meant to – caring about the important things like love, compassion and happiness.  We would prepare, we would communicate and we would die with a lot less regret and those left behind us, would be better equipped to let us go.  

 Death is a wonderful teacher!

“ Western laziness consists of cramming our lives with compulsive activity, so that there is no time at all to confront the real issues.  We are fragmented into so many different aspects. We don’t know who we really are, or what aspects of ourselves we should identify with or believe in. So many contradictory voices, dictates, and feelings fight for control over our inner lives that we find ourselves scattered everywhere, in all directions, leaving nobody at home.”  Sogyal Rinpoche (The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying)